Corporate jargon is something that we all come into contact with on a daily basis, rarely does it make sense, sometimes it makes us laugh but generally it just wastes our time. Here at CurrencyFair we strive to eliminate this guff speak from our offices, but inevitably some of it will always slip through the net.
Here are 10 of the worst examples of corporate jargon:
Leverage: A synonym for use or more often, “abuse”. In the office when someone says, “we need to leverage their connections”, they are really saying, “we need to abuse their connections in a way that would be very beneficial to us.”
Take Offline: When someone suggests that a matter be “taken offline”, what they actually mean is that whatever the issue is, it’s not very important so everyone should stop talking and forget all about it, until it comes back as a major problem a few weeks later.
Hard Stop: The official end point of a meeting. This is most likely after your boss has forced a meeting to run late, by taking over and not letting anyone present their ideas, thus making you late for something else you had planned. Then, just when you think they’re going to let you share your ideas with the team, a hard stop is declared and everyone leaves the room.
Giving 110%: This means giving 100% effort.
Peel The Onion: This phrase describes how to carefully look at a problem, by peeling back the layers one at a time, i.e. look at a problem in depth. Who’s ever peeled more than the outside layer off an onion?!
At The End Of The Day: Here we have crossover between corporate jargon and the nonsense footballers utter in their post-match interviews. Pretty much a meaningless waste of breath.
Win-Win: A sugar-coated way of saying that this is a situation where both parties lose out equally, or one side wins but wants to pretend that it’s a mutually beneficial deal.
Team player: Putting a positive spin on making someone do all the worst jobs and making them stay late, so that others can get on with enjoying their lives outside of the office.
Think Outside The Box: Now this phrase really confuses us. Why would our thinking have been confined to a box anyway? Quoting a Forbes reader, “forget the box, just think!”
Stand-Ups: These are meetings, they can occur daily or weekly and rarely monthly. They can be planned and occur on the same days at the same time or they can be ad hoc and be called to take place straight away. People can be standing or seated for them. So, why are they called “stand-ups”? Why not just call them “meetings”?
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